Of course, we love our children. They were born out of that Divine Love we have for our mate, whether we are actually married to them on paper or not. We feel committed. We are committed. We can’t allow the love to fall by the wayside as we see to all of our responsibilities. The dishes will wait. The housework will still be there tomorrow. It is not going away on its own.
The kids will feel special if you trade off grandparents’ visits or friends in agreement for stayovers with their own children benefiting the next time you swap children overnight. You will find trustworthy people. You do not have to explain all of your plans to anyone. Even if they ask. Just say “Wow, we have not decided yet how we will be alone. We have almost forgotten how to do that.”
Adult time together is so hard to come by. If you keep letting it slide you will find your closeness disappears. It is never planned to lose interest. It just somehow slips away between the necessary chores, kids and their extracurricular activities, homework, and the many aspects of daily life.
Certainly, they are so important, but you must remember why they are here in the first place. Quite simply it is LOVE. The love brought them, the dedication of that love, one to the other and sex was a huge part of igniting the passion between the two of you. Love and Sex are our foundation. Keep them alive.
As your children age, even by 12-14, they want to stay over with their friends and vice versa. This is perfect for couple’s fun sexy time without any explanation. It is also wholesome growth for the children to become responsible and accustomed to making a few decisions on their own and displaying their manners and grace that you both taught them. They also have extracurricular activities that will take them away from home for sports events, and other activities that will provide you with alone times together. These times are great for loving couples to plan sexy events for themselves. With the right planning all family members’ benefit. It is all good. Reconnecting with your longtime lover will jumpstart the romance. Perfect!
As they grow and finally leave home to build their own lives, educate or work, the two of you will be left alone together. If the love and the sex are gone what is the point of it all? Reigniting that love and sex now is so very important. Why let it get stuck in between the endless chores and obligations when sometimes sex becomes almost never sex between you two? Go for it while you still have it on tap. The closeness is priceless between you. Find the time, find the ways, and build on it. Love is so very rare in real life, and the trueness of that love is simply beyond priceless. Keep it. You will always be glad you did.
A huge benefit of finding the time to be together is the example to our children that being special to your mate with alone time is a necessary part of love. If they see how much fun you have doing things together it will become a part of their family history to carry on in their adult lives as they get older and are ready for a love for their life. Even taking pictures of where the two of you went for dinner or even playing tennis or miniature golf or some other seemingly simple fun will look good to them.
Having special adult times does not have to be all sexy stuff. Going shopping together will look fun to them, from a different perspective. They do not have to be included in every single detail of your “Fun Time” without them. A little mystery, a little intrigue is good for the imagination.
Think of this alone time as an investment in your futures together. You are investing in all things the family needs but seldom unless we plan for it, invest in one another. You are the two main characters in your story. You two are the stars of your show. Living a life daily based on the love you found, nurtured, and brought about a family is what it is all about. Sharing that with your children is the most valuable thing you can show them on a day-to-day lifestyle, playing out daily in their home. It will be a huge encouragement for their own foundation of love when the time arrives. Seeing is believing.
Adult time together is so hard to come by. If you keep letting it slide you will find your closeness disappears. It is never planned to lose interest. It just somehow slips away between the necessary chores, kids and their extracurricular activities, homework, and the many aspects of daily life. Certainly, they are very important, but you must remember why they are here in the first place. Quite simply it is LOVE. The love brought them, the dedication of that love. one to the other and sex was a huge part of igniting the passion between the two of you. Love and Sex are our foundation. Keep them alive.
They grow and finally leave home to build their own lives, educate or work, the two of you will be left alone together. If the love and the sex are gone what is the/ point of it all? Reigniting that love and sex now is so very important. Why let it get stuck in between the endless chores and obligations when sometimes sex becomes almost never sex between you two? Go for it while you still have it on tap. The closeness is priceless between you. Find the time, find the ways, and build on it. Love is so very rare in real life; the trueness of that love is simply beyond priceless. Keep it. You will always be glad you did.
A huge benefit of finding the time to be together is the example to our children that being special to your mate with alone time is a necessary part of love. If they see how much fun you have doing things together it will become a part of their family history to carry on in their adult lives as they get older and are ready for a love for their life. Even taking pictures of where the two of you went for dinner or even playing tennis or miniature golf or some other seemingly simple fun will look good to them.
Having special adult times does not have to be all sexy stuff. Going shopping together will look fun to them, from a different perspective. They do not have to be included in every single detail of your “Fun Time” without them. A little mystery, a little intrigue is good for the imagination.
Think of this alone time as an investment in your futures together. You are investing in all things the family needs but seldom unless we plan for it, invest in one another. You are the two main characters in your story. You two are the stars of your show. Living a life daily based on the love you found, nurtured, and brought about a family is what it is all about. Sharing that with your children is the most valuable thing you can show them on a day-to-day lifestyle, playing out daily in their home. It will be a huge encouragement for their own foundation of love when the time arrives. Seeing is believing.
Even disagreements can be portrayed as discussions, with reasonable rules for voice inflections and controlled volume to it. It does not have to be a blow-by-blow shouting match. That only expresses the negativity in life. Life is full of disagreements. Handle it as they say by “Adulting.”
These lessons will be available to remember for their future disagreements in life. They are just a part of real life at home, school, work or even play. Life happens. Help prepare them for all occasions. Be real with them. It pays off in multiple ways.
Pretending we are all fine all the time is based on lies. We are not fine all the time. Show them real life ways to overcome obstacles with respectful decency even if opinions differ. It is a lifetime set of tools you are empowering them with daily. Use that daily life to impart the good stuff. Everything they will learn at school does not equip them for having a real life in their homes. It must be you and your love that shows them the way to have dignity even in disagreement. Dignity and respect are not everywhere. Where else will they learn it if not at home?
Love brings us the chance to reveal how much better life is if we are using love even in the middle of a conflicting situation. Empower love in their lives by using it in yours. Life goes better with love. You have the power. Use it!
Our children are what we make them or for better or worse, exactly what they see on display in our homes. Tantrums, meltdowns, pouting sessions, sarcasm and being cynical in our anger only shows them the negative possibilities for what love may be for them. Surely you do not wish to impart that kind of wisdom to your children.
Recently I saw a young mother with two and four year old children let loose of some of the filthiest talking rage I had ever heard. All I could think of is how sad it is that they will soon be spouting exactly what Mommie says when they are angry. After all, Mommie said it. Why not say it? It must be okay.
That stupid phrase “Monkey see, monkey do” totally relates to imitated behavior of a parent to a child. If you want decent, respectful, even diplomatic children that have been raised to have a form of conflict management played out before them, then you have to be an example of solving differences in a gracious manner.
It is truly all up to you to raise children the way you choose. Surely you can remember things your parents said that were hurtful, even if they thought they were teasing you. Meanness is often disguised as humor. Try to find ways to avoid peppering your criticisms with anger and insult, especially if it was a part of your growing up years. You already know how hurtful it was. Why pass it on?
Try loving, uplifting, understanding, compassion, mercy, and love. These things seldom fail to create a closeness between children and their parents. These lives you have created are molded and shaped as you see fit. You are the way makers. Between you and your love there is a huge opportunity to raise loving, whole, healed individuals that will take their positive attitudes of using love and not anger out into the world. Everywhere they go, work, play, church, activities, all things involved emotions. Give them the tools to handle all types of situations with kindness first and negotiating. Show them how to analyze a conflict and “rethink” it so everyone wins.
Someday they will be bringing home their own children and you will be able to see what your loving, supportive investment in their personalities has brought to how they are raising their own family.
Wouldn’t it be great to raise a loving, close-knit family in such a tough world where anger is often the first option once they leave home? Life is so full of challenges, and you want to arm them with the right abilities for their emotional and intellectual survival out in the real world. Remember the sixties? Peace and Love. It wasn’t just hippies. It was common decency and graciousness.
Be that parent you did not have. If you did not get lots of loving benefits, then create them for your very own family. It truly has a trickledown effect on others.
And the thing to remember is that it all started with love and sex way back at the beginning of the love you have. Expound on that love. Treasure it. Build a fabulously close family, on a foundation of loving support. Closeness, trust, intimacy, not simply sexual but emotional intimacy, can be a lifelong foundation for a happy family.
One crucial fact to remember is that children are very forgiving. They must be taught to be so, but if you refuse to own your mistakes, hiding them to cover up your pride, it will certainly be noted by the children. They will simply follow suit. Believe me, this is NOT what you want for them. When you make a mistake, share with them that as an adult you have learned that sometimes you simply do not have all the facts to make the best decision, and when you have the facts wrong it hurts others. Sharing that once you have gained new information it is so important to go back and seek forgiveness from your loved ones, apologizing for a mistake, and letting them know that they should always keep an open mind, so when new information arrives, they will be open to it and correct their mistake.
Letting them see you have a humble and forgiving side to your nature allows them to do so as well. We all make mistakes. We all jump forward to cover them if we are not careful. Sharing or owning the truth of situations is always the way to go. Building on truth in every situation allows them to become mature in their thinking, and not remain selfish and childlike. Being open about not always wanting to do the right thing is human and still we must go forward and not remain a childish personality. That is the advantage of growing up. You get to “adult” in your personality. Although it seems complicated, they will understand. Plus, they will respect your honesty and the forgiveness you are teaching offers them new tools for their lives and options that really work in the real world.
Children truly can be a gift from God for our lives always. It truly depends on how we raise them. God bless you and your love and the children you produce out of that love.
What will they be like? It will be fun to see how they turn out. Raising children is strictly experimental. Be wise with your choices. You do not want them to boomerang and bounce back and blame you for their mistakes at your failed parenting. Or worse, take illegal choices to an unhappy end. Family closeness insures against all of that.
Love, promote peace, and closeness. One of those Nannaw wisdoms I heard and did not like much growing up was “A smile is just a frown turned upside down.” In other words, make the effort to turn things around. Find your own rhythm. Live by it. Everything is under your very own power. Be powerful. Be positive. It will bring you the best kids. Ones you can be proud of.
Keep the love alive. The love is the entire reason you have these children. Honor the love. Honor the children. Honor yourselves. Karma has an excellent bounce back. Love rules, in all ways.
Thank God frequently for your children and seek HIM to bring them the wisdom in their everyday lives to grow and learn to be better human beings. HE will do just that for you and for them.
God love you and your gifts of children from above. Remember the gift of sex brought them to you. Dare I say children are the gift that keeps on giving?
Alex Shaw
